exactly the same. 182

arggh!!!

just checking in

I worked very hard this weekend to not overindulge and managed to get to the gym and/or run all last week except Saturday on which I slept for 14 hours. I can't decide if it's depression, a defense mechanism against overeating, or my body fighting off potential infection from the mouth surgery.

The good news is that with the surgery I don't much feel like eating. The bad news is I can only eat soft things. Grilled cheese happens to top that list. I am balancing it with "light" soup. My exercise has been up and a few people have commented that I've "lost weight", which I haven't, but that at least signals that my body is shifting around and perhaps looking more toned. Which is what I really want anyway!

Truth is I am "over" weight charts. Each one reads  differently and according to some I am supposed to weigh the same as my brother who is an inch taller than me and (needless to say) - a BOY! - with a different muscle ratio. Stupid charts. I understand that my doctor wants me to lose 10 -15 pounds so I'm not in the "overweight" zone. But I want to focus on tone muscles and loss of belly fat. Fuck the scale.

still 182

I've reduced calories and upped exercise. I wanted to blame it on my monthly (or more like bi-monthly! ) body change but the truth is I just remain FAT. ~sigh~

Signed up for Tough Mudder in April. So I have to kick up the fitness. The 10 mile course will include wall climbing, crawling under electric wire, and something to do with fire. FUN! 

I ran a lot last week and over the weekend. On Sat & Sunday I ran 6.5 miles each day.

Last night I worked out with a friend that has a body I envy. Instead of feeling demotivated I asked her lots of questions. The answers were simple - focus on some weight lifting to build muscle because muscle burns calories even when you are at rest. I know this. I just needed the reminder. (and someone to stalk in the gym with out them feeling like I'm a, well, stalker!). She showed me the exercises she does. My goal is to do this at least three times a week (ugh). I will do this.

This morning I got my ass out of bed and ran 3 miles with a friend who is also doing the Tough Mudder. A little role reversal. She is more out of shape than I am. We tried to stay positive that at least we are out in the morning air DOING SOMETHING about it. And tonight I don't have to run. But I think I'll get to the gym and swim.

oh no! 183??

how i gained six pounds in the the last week is beyond me. I've upped my running. Added more gym time. Moved more during the day.
FUCK!

shopping for jeans

yikes. I did not want to buy a pair of size 14's but the 12's were just a bit too snug. *sigh*
ok. I am using this as motivation to get to the gym more. The weekend retreat was healthy eating and no late night snacking but I still ahve a hard time getting up to go for a morning run.

I have the week off (mostly) from work and am pampering myself with a little (not christmas) shopping and decided to through a run in this afternoon. Turned into 45 minutes of joy. I love to run outside, why do I deprive myself of this? Why does it seem like such a chore until I'm in it?

I have to remember how much I love it. Perhaps tomorrow I'll treat myself to new sneakers. At least my feet haven't gotten any bigger! Hee hee hee.

plus I signed up for the Tough Mudder in April. Yikes! better find a boot camp to whip my butt in shape!

xoxo

178 not surprising

TLD weigh in 11/8 177.8

that's official from the Doctor's office... she says I should be at 160. preferably 155.
ok... I'm on my way. At least now I have an authorized goal.

pregnant?

why no, but thanks for asking.

after I burst into tears from the humiliation of the question I thought, well - how motivating!

~sigh~

TL's 11/1 weigh in 178.5

Guess running on the treadmill for 55 minutes last night helped.

I stuck with my eating plan yesterday until the 4 pm snack attack. chocolate kisses and parmesan pita chips. ugh.  Recovered at the gym and had a pear and cheese for an after work out snack  instead of a full dinner.
I am prepared with my meal plan again today. I have a 4 pm  meeting so hopefully will avoid the late afternoon train wreck!

I made a plan!

I'm trying something new. I weighed myself on Saturday - and I was right - I'm at 180. ugh. However, I do not despair. As a matter of fact that number disgusts me so much I have a new resolve. I WILL NOT BE THE FAT GIRL. As a result, I sat my fat ass down yesterday and made a eating plan for the week. Then I rolled my pudgy self to the grocery store and only bought what was on the list. I've never tried this. I am hoping that a well stocked  and healthy pantry combined with no more guessing what's for dinner will result in the release from quick usually unhealthy meal decisions.

then I went to the gym.

have a great week everyone.

TL

late but in

I will weigh in next week! but unofficially I know I'll be clocking in at a whopping 180. I haven't run on over a month and am afraid to try. I'm a long way from the marathon I ran this time last year.

Thanks everyone for beign a support system. looking forward to connecting over the next weeks!

over it

This is what I learned this round... don't marathon train and diet at the same time.
For me it is impossible to consume only 1500 calories a day while running more than 25 miles a week. I'm swimming twice a week (a mile swim each time) and I'm running 4 times a week. Yesterday's 24 mile run almost killed me because I had not eaten enough the day before. I've gained weight (Jackie... for the record I'm at 172) and am up 7 pounds from when we started round two and when I started training for San Diego.

However, I'm not going to beat myself up. Today I put on a pair of crop cargos that were tight on me last summer. They are fitting quite nicely, thank you very much. Although I still have a long way to go, I am more toned. I am cardiovascularly more fit than I have been in my entire life. In five weeks I'm running a marathon. I know the scale says I'm clinically overweight, but tell that to my legs as they cross the finish line

me too!

I'm so in the dumps about not losing anything and I know that my mood spirals me into bad eating habits. And the more mileage I tack on for this stupid marathon, the hungrier I am and the more I want to eat. How is it possible that I run 35 miles a week, swim a mile twice a week and am STILL a fat cow?

Today's battle was discount-easter-candy vs. 35-laps-in-the-pool. It was a draw. I didn't leave my house to swim because of the lure of stopping at the grocery store (I have virtually no food in the house)and the bad decisions I'm in the mood to make. So I neither swam nor bought candy. I sit here typing away trying not to eat anything because that will turn into me eating everything. Which would be F'd up and look something like left-over chinese, b&b on wasa, turkey breast, cheese, and zucchini & rice. Instead I took a hot shower and gulp down sleepy time tea. I write this in hopes that getting it all out will help it go away so sorry for the rant, but I want to give up. I visited my parents yesterday and that depresses me because they are both very overweight and I see it as what I have ahead of me so why fight it? (I know that doesn't have to be true, but it's where I am right now.)

~sigh~

moody check in

167.
damn it

really Nicole? you read that swimming is not good for losing weight? WTF? I need to research this.

trying not to stress eat

good news/ bad news. the guy who gives me a hard time at work volunteered to take a layoff. good, I don't have to fire him; I just have to do ALL of his work instead of just SOME of it. Can anyone arrange an extra 8 hours in a day??? I am having an anxiety attck and that often leads to stress eating. Chamomile tea don't fail me now...

tl cal: 1600
xrcz: 40 min swim
b - coffee, cliff bar
l - tea, chkn sld on mlti grn (820 cal!?) didn't realize until I bought it.
d - wasa, lf cheese, tomato soup, tea
s - yogurt
s - wasa, tomato, tea

17 miles and a cheeseburger

wooo-doggie! I haven't run that far in ages! Of course around mile 13 I started thinking of food, cuz that's what runners do when they're tired. I was envisioning a nicely grilled medium rare burger dripping with ketchup on a soft but firm kaiser roll topped with lettuce and a slice of tomato...mmmm Mm! And that is EXACTLY what I had for dinner after the grapefruit and slice of quiche for lunch landed short of replenishment and left me with a protein craving urgency to consume as much red meat as I could possibly stomach. ahhh, but for cheeseburgers paired with ice cold beer I would be a good vegetarian.

saturday - total calories 1640 (no exercise)
sunday - total calories 2500 including the vanilla icecream I'm about consume to balance out the burger :) exercise - well, 17 miles and at least I walked the 1/2 mile to and then from the bar!

only 1, better than none

Still haven't gotten down to the 165 I started at, but at least I can report 167 today. The good news is lots of people have been telling me I look good. Last night I recieved a "you look buff" as well as a "you've lost weight!"

so, slow and steady.

trying not to stress eat

Today was a crazy busy day with too many meetings and not enough time to do the work assigned to me in meetings ending with the quarterly evening meeting I facilitate in which I have to stand in front of 80 people and be engaging. (I hatethis part of my job) It is awful, although the participants seem to like the meetings and find the information valuable/useful/helpful. But, gosh, how I loathe standing up in front of all those people for an hour and a half. I always come out of it wanting to go to the bar....

calories:1540
exercise: hair pulling out, eye rolling, teeth nashing - 9 hours
b- coffee, fruit, yogurt
s- go lean bar, plain tea
l - lean cuisine pumpkin ravioli (mmm), plain tea
d - (meeting) 1/2 cup white rice, 2 egg rolls, 1 cup veggie stir fry, brownie (damn it, I tried to fight it and it was so not worth the calories), plain tea, water
skipped the bar
s- grapes

the trouble is I want a snack and can't decide if it is a stress urge or if I'm hungry. I'm trying to wait it out with chamomile tea, lots and lots of chamomile tea.

new goggles and a flip turn

ah the joy of little things. In an effort to NOT go home and eat between work and swimming, I headed to Dick's sporting goods for a new bathing suit. Dick is over priced. Dick thinks that all female swimmers are stick figures. Dick can stick it! I then went to Target where there is no selection in suits, but I got a new pair of groovy new anti-fog goggles. Went to swim laps, the class was finishing up with flip turns. The instructor asked me if I knew how (no) and then invited me to join. FUN! Now I know how and in my groovy goggles I will soon be swimming like a champ. YAY for cool, inviting instructor!

Monday calories:2210
exrz - swim (hard) 45 minutes
b - coffee, banana, golean oatmeal raisin bar
l - tomato soup, 2 wasa, lf laughing cow cheese
s- um...3 pieces Godiva.
s- tea, golean pb/caramel bar
snack - whole bag of trail mix (6 servings. there I admit it)I should have had the turkey sandwich instead, I shopped too long and was rushing to swim)
d- it is late and I am hungry but first some tea to fill me up, then wasa with thin sliced turkey breast and lf cheese. maybe some tomato. this will give me the above #

getting back on track

This wasa good weekend for me. After Friday's weigh in and Jake's nudge I've re-dedicated myself to writing it all down. A Friday night Mechanical Bull ride (and sprained thumb LoL!) later, I realize I've got work to do if I want to be swimsuit ready by May 31st. I am newly swearing off alcohol: "a glass or two" of wine is sabotaging my willpower and my calorie intake. So I went shopping, stocked up on healthy choices, teas and seltzer water.

Saturday: 1195 calories
ex - swim, 45 min
b- coffee, yogurt, banana
s- coffee, fiber one bar
s - lowfat cheese, coffee
L - kashi bar, african red tea, seltzer
d - thin slice turkey breast on wasa, w/ lf cheese & mustard, fresh fruit salad (grapes, strawberries, blackberries), decaf tea

Sunday: 1175 calories
ex- run,15 miles (I wish rain counted as extra calories burned!)
b - 1/2 power bar, cup coffee
s - Gu, gatorade, water
l - bacon egg & cheese on english muffun, coffee (mmmmm)
s - jasmine tea, fruit salad (above plus mango)
d - 3/4 cup brown rice, shrimp, green beans & mushrooms, seltzer