ugh

back up to 170

motivational website

http://thetruthaboutfatlossforwomen.com/2010/08/16/yes-i-will-versus-yes-i-can/

check it out - it says some good stuff!

Don't give up Jake! I know it totally sucks when you're doing all the right things and getting no results, but you will see them. Patience - I know it's hard, but losing weight and being in shape isn't supposed to be easy or we wouldn't have the obesity in the country and the lose-fat-fast pills wouldn't be flying off the shelf.

I've been maintaining right now, which is good, but I'm definitely not winning my bet next week. Oh well, at least I'm maintaining. :-)

W-T-F ???

Okay, I'm not real thrilled.  I'm actually quite frustrated. 2/10's of a pound.   I friggin' lost 2/10ths of a lb.  WTF is THAT??????

I've been going on the elliptical and I've been taking long long walks in the park.  I've been watching what I'm eating.  I've been drinking water.  I've been doing .......all.the.right.stuff for a change and I lose two friggin tenths of a pound?????????????????

Needless to say....... I'm none too thrilled. Of course, I did have period hell day (lovingly referred to as PHD in my book) but I find having the ''curse'' is no damn excuse.  I'm hoping next week will be better.

ps.......I say this all in jest...........sort of.   :-\  but I'm not giving up either.

need some alone time

what I realize is that even if I go on vacation with a friend I don't relax. I need to be alone in order to be at peace with the insecurities running a constant monologue in my brain. This is why I vacation alone. Otherwise I worry if the other person is having a good time, or mad at me, or doing what they want to do. Then if I want to do something and they change it I get slightly peeved. Not completely annoyed, just a little bit. Add to that rain on a vacation that is supposed to be spent outdoors, an extremely heavy period (is the air thinner in Maine?) and a very weird feeling of the fluid in my brain sloshing around, and this is not the mind clearing, soul renewing vacation I had hope for. There are many many many families tromping around the shops of Bar Harbor and the trails of Cadillac Mountain. My need to be away from annoying people is unfulfilled. God is teaching me a lesson in patience and holding my tongue this week. argghh. I don't need a lesson I need peace and quiet. This is my first vacay without drinking and its a little harder than I thought. Often a toasty cup of coffee with Bailey's would hit the spot. A glass of wine with dinner would be so yummy. Then I remember that I would be filled with anxiety by worrying how I would drink enough with out being caught. And I also remember how it would hit my wallet. Vacation is expensive enough without the added expense of alcohol.
So I am grateful to be saving money....well - not true, instead I bought a sturdy yet pretty rain jacket and a gorgeous necklace). So let me rephrase - I'm glad to be spending money on memories, not the lack there of!

happy thoughts:
* "Lobstah"
* sail boats
* my new drink - seltzer, pineapple juice, mint leaves
* a pretty blue rain jacket
* Eagle Lake in the fog

Here Goes!

Weigh in is today.  I suppose, since everyone keeps changing it.  Anyway, I brought the scale in for today.  We figured it's summer and people are always off on Mondays or Fridays.  I guess it makes sense.

@ TL - I don't think it's cheating if they want to gain weight to lose weight.  I mean seriously, they will now have to lose more weight (even if it comes off easier initially)  I'm glad they had at it.  If you have to 'gorge' before a contest, you have an eating problem.  Just my opinion.  I have a lack of motivation problem, not so much the eating. 

@ Sarah - I really don't care if I win or lose this one.......seriously.  But they really have made life hell for me the last few months..... part of which was the "who's lunching with who today" problem.  OH MY GOD.  We've gone beyond high school, we have managed to time travel back to middle school.   Which has nothing to do with weight loss so I'll stop right there. 

I haven't done real well with much of anything.   I have managed to be more careful about my food choices although last night's pizza on the grill was not a good choice but it was OUTSTANDING.  It tasted just like a wood burning oven pizza would.  Anyway, what I'm most having trouble with is sleeping.  I have woken up at 2 am the last 3 nights.  I fall back to sleep around 4 or 4:30 which has made it increasingly difficult to get up and exercise in the morning..........which is my preferred time of day for that.   After work is difficult because I want to spend time with CJ. (that's my son, Sarah)  I took my camera out last week for a walk in the park and I was gone for a couple of hours but I really felt guilty when I came home and it was dark.  I know he's 17 but I also don't want him to think that because he's 17, my time with him is any less precious. 

Ummmmm........sorry.  Back to the contest........ Wish me motivation!!!!!

Checking In!

Go Jake! - I know you can do it. Beating people is always good motivation.

TL - have you tried the green bags? They totally work at keeping your veggies good. And remember, it's okay to eat more than one serving of vegetables - Brian and I have a garden and our yellow squash and zucchini is so out of control, we eat squash twice a day. We don't ever have a starch or anything with dinner, it's usually meat and squash. But the squash is taking up 3/4 of the plate.
I will have to get the silk yogurt to try - thanks!

As for me, i was so stressed last week with work, i only got to the gym twice and ate and drank waaaaaaay too much. But I got up this am, and ran a couple miles, so hopefully I'll get back into my groove. When I weighed myself last Friday, I was still the same as I've been, but I'm sure I'm up a couple after a gluttonous weekend.

TL's check in

164
9 lbs from where I was 2 months ago but at least I'm paying attention again. Avoided a binge last night and in the grocery store I put down the cookies and picked up a granola bar. The problem with produce like asparagus, salad, spinach, arugal, etc etc is that it comes package for more than one person and by the time I get to it all it is spoiled. Which is both a waste of money and a constant reminder that I'm all alone. :(

@ Sarah - try the Silk soy yogurt. mmmmm it's like eating custard. Just don't try to convince yourself that it's yogurt, it has a different texture but is yummy in its own right. Like a veggie burger, accept it for it being what it is and it becomes yummy, but as long as you want it to be meat it will always let you down!

@ Jake - kick their butts! I think they're already cheating by putting on a few extra pounds before they start because it will be easy too lose right away. However your approach will win in the end as they try to crash diet their way to success. I can feel your victory already.

Oy

Sorry Ladies!  Between work, my blog, taking pictures for kicks, Project 365 which is now in year 2 (woot woot) and you know, like regular 'house' stuff, I've slacked and clearly lacked in responding.  My focus or more precisely, lack of focus,  has gotten the better of me.  Now.... apology #2....ummmm...well.....ummmmm.... in a still mind boggling way, we wound up starting a 'fat man' contest at work yesterday.  I was pretty sure I was out of contests and just wanted to get myself motivated again without being in a contest.  Yet somehow, this became a personal quest for me.  I'm not really all that competitive but with all the hell I have been going through at work, the truth of the matter is, I just want win.  And by that I mean, I don't just want to win.....I mean, I WANT TO BEAT THEIR ASSES.  I don't know if I really can, a couple of them have a whole lot more weight to lose than me, but I've got puh-lenty to lose myself.  I am the highest weight I've been in 12 years.  DIS.GUST.ING

The first weigh in is next Monday.  I was ready to start next week, but everyone else wanted to wait until after our Big Ole Work Picnic next weekend.  They intend to party up this weekend.  Eat as much as they can this weekend and next and get their drink on.  Good for them!!!!

My intention is to start my pattern this week.  Even if my weight is a little slightly lower to start, the truth is, I'll already be in a rhythm and I'll already have kick started my metabolism.  Let them eat and drink all they want.  Come next Monday morning, I'll already have a week of some positive change in my pocket and will be that much closer to forming a pattern. 

I guess I should be thankful they've made work hell for me in the last few months, cuz I'm gonna kick some wieght lose ass!!!!!   :-)

Sarah's thoughts

So TL - I completely understand about the emotional eating. When I'm studying, I just want to do something with my hands. I usually try to brush my teeth early so I'm not as tempted to eat something.
And I'm so jealous you're eating dairy! I have become lactose intolerant - how much does that suck?
I have been experimenting with some yogurts since I like yogurt, but no cheese or ice cream.

As for my weigh-in, I feel stuck at 126 right now. I don't necessarily need to lose weight, but if i want those abs, I need to lose fat.