what I realize is that even if I go on vacation with a friend I don't relax. I need to be alone in order to be at peace with the insecurities running a constant monologue in my brain. This is why I vacation alone. Otherwise I worry if the other person is having a good time, or mad at me, or doing what they want to do. Then if I want to do something and they change it I get slightly peeved. Not completely annoyed, just a little bit. Add to that rain on a vacation that is supposed to be spent outdoors, an extremely heavy period (is the air thinner in Maine?) and a very weird feeling of the fluid in my brain sloshing around, and this is not the mind clearing, soul renewing vacation I had hope for. There are many many many families tromping around the shops of Bar Harbor and the trails of Cadillac Mountain. My need to be away from annoying people is unfulfilled. God is teaching me a lesson in patience and holding my tongue this week. argghh. I don't need a lesson I need peace and quiet. This is my first vacay without drinking and its a little harder than I thought. Often a toasty cup of coffee with Bailey's would hit the spot. A glass of wine with dinner would be so yummy. Then I remember that I would be filled with anxiety by worrying how I would drink enough with out being caught. And I also remember how it would hit my wallet. Vacation is expensive enough without the added expense of alcohol.
So I am grateful to be saving money....well - not true, instead I bought a sturdy yet pretty rain jacket and a gorgeous necklace). So let me rephrase - I'm glad to be spending money on memories, not the lack there of!
happy thoughts:
* "Lobstah"
* sail boats
* my new drink - seltzer, pineapple juice, mint leaves
* a pretty blue rain jacket
* Eagle Lake in the fog
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